Another year of more TV suggestions for you to avoid family members, I'm just trying to help. Holiday season is the best time to binge watch shows that may have passed by you. With the rise of streaming networks like Netflix and Showmi and with more quality programs airing on non-network channels it's understandable if haven't watched certain programs. But Netflix is becoming a bit of a crutch, while the selection of shows is huge, it's slow on picking up newer shows and there's a constant update of programs being removed from the service.
Now, I don't have Netflix. I consider myself: a live TV watcher, if I miss the first airing of a show, I'll try and catch the west coast viewing. If I miss it both times then I'll watch it online. And there's been a bunch of new shows out now that conflict with my TV schedule that has staying up to catch or closing ad window after ad window to watch it online. Now like the previous installments, you won't hear any of the shows that's already created enough noise (sorry no True Detective or Fargo or Archer) that everyone is talking about. Here's five show suggestions for the holiday season.
Broad City (1 season, returning for Season 2)
For the past few decades, the stoner duo has been an essential part of comedy. Duos such as Cheech and Chong, Craig and Smokey, Harold and Kumar and Jay and Silent Bob had marijuana smokers laughing out loud as they coughed up a lung with one hand in a chip bag. They can now add Ilana and Abbi to that stoner hierarchy after the first season of Broad City. The show centers around two low income, struggling women who try and navigate through the world while smoking a lot of weed. Also Hannibal Burress shows up and the show has Amy Poehler as it's executive producer.
Critics call it the anti-Girls and anything that isn't Girls is a-OK with me. It's different from other women-centric comedies, it doesn't focus on the romantic relationships of it's characters like Sex in the City. It's about the friendship of two women. Women that don't need a love subplot to keep the audience interested. One of the best reviewed shows of 2014, it's highly recommend for stoners, women and their girlfriends and any fan of Comedy Central programs.
Peaky Blinders (2 seasons, returning for Season 3)
Think of Peaky Blinders as England's answer to Boardwalk Empire (another show I told you watch which sadly ended and suffered with a shorten season). Tommy played by Cillian Murphy (Batman Trilogy, Red Eye) is a World War I veteran who is providing for his family by any means possible. So obviously he finds himself in a notorious street gang known as the Peaky Blinders, named after the trend of sewing razor blades to the peaks of their caps. Tommy finds a stash of guns that the IRA and rival gangs are interested in, so is Inspector Chester Campbell played by Sam Neill (Jurassic Park) who works along side a young Winston Churchill. It's violent, has great storytelling, great acting and in season 2, Alfie Solomons the baker is introduced who's played by a bearded Tom Hardy (you know Tom Hardy).
Banshee (2 seasons, returning for Season 3)
Fights and fights and fights and fights. And a castration. Lucas Hood a recently paroled convict who cons his way into becoming the sheriff of Banshee, Pennsylvania. Hood reconnects with his past love and partner in crime, Carrie Hopewell to retrieve stolen diamonds. Think of it as Blue Streak meets Andy Griffith meets mixed martial arts. And there's nudity (Banshee airs on Cinemax). Lots of nudity. It doesn't come off as a stocky version of the current trend of gritty, edgy or dark (I'm looking at you Once Upon A Time), it's smart and there's a sense of danger as Hood cons his way in this small town while avoiding trouble with the local Amish mob boss. Yes Amish. So add Witness also into the equation.
Devious Maids (2 seasons, returning for Season 3)
Executive produced by Eva Longoria, Devious Maids follows a small group of maids that bond through their jobs, sharing their struggles while living in the rich lifestyle of their employers. Now it does share some similarities with Longoria's old show Desperate Housewives (not to mention it's created by Mark Cherry) but it's a lot more campy. There's drama, romance, suspense and very attractive women who play mundane maids.
Almost Human (13 episodes, cancelled)
Shouldn't be too surprised that Almost Human wasn't able to find an audience. The show set in 2048 LA is about a human cop John Kennex, played by Karl Urban (Dredd, Star Trek) has to be teamed up with an android named Dorian played by Michael Ealy (Think Like A Man, Takers) that's mandated by the police force. Now with that premise, most tuned it out like most of Fox' sci-fi shows since The X-Files ended (but somehow Fringe made it to five seasons on airing on Fridays). It's a fun show with a sci-fi twist to cop tropes.
Honorable Mentions
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Suggested it last year and suggesting it again this year. Best opening theme on television. Fight me. (Plus it won two Golden Globes and continues to get better and better. And the social media war of Team Diaz vs. Team Santiago is getting stronger).
Cuckoo
More Andy Samberg! From the BBC, the sitcom follows the Thompson family as their daughter returns home with her newly husband, an American hippie (Samberg). Old traditional family values meets outlandish, eccentric hippie philosophy.
NTSF:SD:SUV::
The 11 minute comedy is a parody of every CSI, Law & Order, NCIS and every other police procedural show and movie from past and present, created and starring Paul Scheer. It's action packed, filled with enough laughs to pack a punch in those 11 minutes and a cast that brings in such attractive people like Rebecca Romijn, June Diane Raphael, Alison Brie and Karen Gillan. You can knock out a bunch of episodes in one sitting.
Silicon Valley
I don't think I've heard a word more used this year than the word "algorithm." I literally heard the word a good dozen times, used in both TV and movies but I heard it most with Mike Judge's (King of the Hill, Office Space) HBO show Silicon Valley. A timid programmer creates an algorithm for a music app called Pied Piper but after the head of a company, Hooli, discovers it can be used to compress data, everyone wants a piece of it. TJ Miller, Martin Starr and Kumali Nanjiani star as the programmers in the start-up incubator. It's a definite watch if you want to hear the best dick joke of all time.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
You Should Write Something...
...Is what I said to myself as I started to fall asleep. The last thing I wrote about was in March and that was understanding Canada's hate for Justin Bieber but a few racists jokes later and you can't really defend something like that (all honestly, I believe most whites have dropped a few racist jokes amongst themselves). But Journals is still fire.
As I ruffled through ideas on what I could talk about, it then came to me why I stopped writing blog posts: I had nothing to write about.
I've talked about Bieber, Rob Ford, Saved By The Bell, Breasts. I had used up all my ammo. So I'll just answer the most common question people would ask me if they see me in these streets.
"So how's the love life?"
Bruh, I don't want to write about that. That's one of those topics that could generate enough bullets for a blog post is love, sex and relationships. I have one short one and it's real short like this paragraph short of a post. Will anyone actually read it? Will someone who regularly reads my posts actually read about my thoughts on love, sex and relationships?
I'm pretty much aware of who reads these by now. I link the blog posts to Twitter and then Facebook. Not as many people know me on Twitter as they do Facebook. I can usually tell by the likes from other stories and videos I linked to FB. The director from college, the ball player, the former Shoppers worker, old copywriter work pal, my buddy Kyle, the soccer fan, few of the former baes, the fitness trainer, the (former/present) mentor, the drag racer and a few others who are harder to describe.
Ain't nobody wanna hear about my hail mary attempts to holler at women. Hail Mary's, slap shots from the blue line, calling the goalie out of the net, 85 ft jumpers when the ball is inbound. Those wisdom memes and relationship advice from Twitter and IG have women thinking differently. Their minds are skewed. They meet a good guy and already think they have a side chick. Or that they're the side chick. Already asking about this phone password, creeping on his IG, looking to see whose photos he's liking. Social media has them paranoid and insecure. People need to take some of this advice with the finest grain of salt. Not everyone gets cheated on. Not everyone wants their relationship to be out in the open. Not everyone has #relationshipgoals. Men lie so they can avoid all of this.
But I will say this. That "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" shit is real. Because I know I've thrown a few full court jumpers at women who were later said to be "not that cute". Yet, when I see some of the females these guys are courting, it's a whole lot of "her?" going on in my head. But that's none of my business.
"Are you still trying to be in advertising?"
*Deep sigh*
I don't know. I really don't know. It's so damn tasking to work on something to be presented and seen and critiqued and no one wants to see it. I used to email at least 15 agencies a day and get no answer back aside from automated email bots. Oh, you should do something that makes you stand out is what I was told. Yeah I did that. Changed up the email, moved shit around in the portfolio, went after smaller agencies. Different tactics, same results. No answer or they weren't looking for writers.
For a business that's constantly looking for new ways to reach people, they're still using the same old writers to do this. So, I got mad. Vented in emails and guess what? I got answers. Sure Y&R won't be calling me back (yeah, it was them they wrote this to me) but it got their attention.
Haven't emailed an agency since late May. My creativity is still there but it's everywhere and no where at the same time. Like a pigeon in a closed box. I've been saying I should write something for the past month and I've now given myself the time to do so. I'd be lying if I said it's because of work. I'm with a temp agency right now where I work maybe 20 hours a week, on a good week that is. Because just like in advertising and that love bs, looking for work is scressful.
"But don't you have any dreams you want to follow?"
Well, advertising was never my dream. My dream was making something of myself with what I went to school for. It just so happened to be advertising was my major. I created a lot of cool shit in college and I wanted to create more and get paid for it. Up to now I've been giving my ideas away for free for bus fare, a spare chair and a computer with wifi.
You know what film was one of Stanley Kubrick's favourites? White Men Can't Jump. If you haven't seen it, then what's the matter with you? For those who have, remember near the end of the film when Billy Hoyle finally jumped and dunked? That's the feeling I think everyone should be looking and aiming for. That moment where you've finally reached that pinnacle and achieved something that makes you yell out (mentally or physically) in excitement, happiness and joy come out. I'm looking for that. No idea when or where it'll happen but I'm still looking for it. Wonder where my Sidney Deane or Sidney Dean is?
Yeah that's it for now. Probably drop that short one about "love" soon but again, it's short. But if that's what the people want, then I'll post it.
As I ruffled through ideas on what I could talk about, it then came to me why I stopped writing blog posts: I had nothing to write about.
I've talked about Bieber, Rob Ford, Saved By The Bell, Breasts. I had used up all my ammo. So I'll just answer the most common question people would ask me if they see me in these streets.
"So how's the love life?"
Bruh, I don't want to write about that. That's one of those topics that could generate enough bullets for a blog post is love, sex and relationships. I have one short one and it's real short like this paragraph short of a post. Will anyone actually read it? Will someone who regularly reads my posts actually read about my thoughts on love, sex and relationships?
I'm pretty much aware of who reads these by now. I link the blog posts to Twitter and then Facebook. Not as many people know me on Twitter as they do Facebook. I can usually tell by the likes from other stories and videos I linked to FB. The director from college, the ball player, the former Shoppers worker, old copywriter work pal, my buddy Kyle, the soccer fan, few of the former baes, the fitness trainer, the (former/present) mentor, the drag racer and a few others who are harder to describe.
Ain't nobody wanna hear about my hail mary attempts to holler at women. Hail Mary's, slap shots from the blue line, calling the goalie out of the net, 85 ft jumpers when the ball is inbound. Those wisdom memes and relationship advice from Twitter and IG have women thinking differently. Their minds are skewed. They meet a good guy and already think they have a side chick. Or that they're the side chick. Already asking about this phone password, creeping on his IG, looking to see whose photos he's liking. Social media has them paranoid and insecure. People need to take some of this advice with the finest grain of salt. Not everyone gets cheated on. Not everyone wants their relationship to be out in the open. Not everyone has #relationshipgoals. Men lie so they can avoid all of this.
But I will say this. That "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" shit is real. Because I know I've thrown a few full court jumpers at women who were later said to be "not that cute". Yet, when I see some of the females these guys are courting, it's a whole lot of "her?" going on in my head. But that's none of my business.
"Are you still trying to be in advertising?"
*Deep sigh*
I don't know. I really don't know. It's so damn tasking to work on something to be presented and seen and critiqued and no one wants to see it. I used to email at least 15 agencies a day and get no answer back aside from automated email bots. Oh, you should do something that makes you stand out is what I was told. Yeah I did that. Changed up the email, moved shit around in the portfolio, went after smaller agencies. Different tactics, same results. No answer or they weren't looking for writers.
For a business that's constantly looking for new ways to reach people, they're still using the same old writers to do this. So, I got mad. Vented in emails and guess what? I got answers. Sure Y&R won't be calling me back (yeah, it was them they wrote this to me) but it got their attention.
Haven't emailed an agency since late May. My creativity is still there but it's everywhere and no where at the same time. Like a pigeon in a closed box. I've been saying I should write something for the past month and I've now given myself the time to do so. I'd be lying if I said it's because of work. I'm with a temp agency right now where I work maybe 20 hours a week, on a good week that is. Because just like in advertising and that love bs, looking for work is scressful.
"But don't you have any dreams you want to follow?"
Well, advertising was never my dream. My dream was making something of myself with what I went to school for. It just so happened to be advertising was my major. I created a lot of cool shit in college and I wanted to create more and get paid for it. Up to now I've been giving my ideas away for free for bus fare, a spare chair and a computer with wifi.
You know what film was one of Stanley Kubrick's favourites? White Men Can't Jump. If you haven't seen it, then what's the matter with you? For those who have, remember near the end of the film when Billy Hoyle finally jumped and dunked? That's the feeling I think everyone should be looking and aiming for. That moment where you've finally reached that pinnacle and achieved something that makes you yell out (mentally or physically) in excitement, happiness and joy come out. I'm looking for that. No idea when or where it'll happen but I'm still looking for it. Wonder where my Sidney Deane or Sidney Dean is?
Yeah that's it for now. Probably drop that short one about "love" soon but again, it's short. But if that's what the people want, then I'll post it.
Friday, March 14, 2014
An Exploration On Canadian's Hate For Justin Bieber
With his recent legal troubles, I decided to take a look back at Justin Bieber and my fascination on the general hate the people have had for him since he first came out. Call me bored or call me intrigued but I have questions that Sway can't answer.
Justin Bieber has been in the public eye since he was 13 years old. Posting videos of himself singing on his YouTube channel, from his home and on the steps of buildings in his hometown of Stratford, Ontario. Once the young singer began to gaining the attention online, a bidding war between Usher and Justin Timberlake began, with young Justin eventually choosing Usher over the former N*SYNC singer. Bieber is the first to be signed to a major label contract basically off of the internet, a trend that would only continue for singers, actors, directors and more to come in the foreseeable future.
Since his first big hit "Baby" featuring Ludacris, people have hated him. Was it the hair? Was it the music? Was it his babyface image? Unfortunately, it was all of it. Most pop acts would receive backlash but this was a new age of pop stars and general artistic critique from social networks like Facebook, Twitter and personal opinion blogs, like this one. You see, there were guys that hated him because he was popular at the age of 14 and his song was everywhere. He also shared the same haircut as some skater kids and other Caucasian males who didn't want to visit a barber. Or hair stylist. (A haircut that was popular at the time with Canadian boys). They hated a kid with hair like a mop and who was singing, dancing and making girls scream. You know the same girls that you may have liked at that age?
Fast forward five years, Bieber was still in the press, even bigger than before. He cut his hair that resembled a lesbian, got tattoos, dated Selena Gomez and spazzed out at photographer saying "I'll beat the f*ck out of you." That's when the babyface image was no more and the nickname Biebervelli was coined by hip-hop writer Kazeem Famuyide.
When he announced in 2013 he was going to retire after his digital album Journals, I took it as a sign that he needed a break. Three studio albums, two compilations, one EP and a few remixed albums, is a lot for anyone, let alone before he can legally drink in the US. But it was more of a reason for him to have more free time to partying with his rapper friends, play basketball, skateboarding and of course, hockey. If that isn't what a 19 year old who works all the time wants to do on their free time, then I clearly don't know high schoolers as well as I thought.
Then he got arrested. Everybody and their mother had something to say. The news, late night TV, all across social media, then the mug shot was released, then the comparisons to Corey Haim began. It was terrible. Then CP24 was there live as he was sworn in for assaulting a limo driver. Then reports of him getting deported. Then the internet jokingly decided whoever won the Olympic game between the US and Canada's men's hockey game the loser keeps him. It was madness. But this is what you all wanted.
You wanted him to fail, you wanted him to crumble, you wanted him to not be successful. Since 2010, your vitriol for him has grown and has now begun to sprout. You have now blossomed into a full blown hater. Congrats! Here's some complementary dirt for you! You quench your thirst every time he's mentioned in a conversation, every time you see his name on a news ticker. For what reason did you have to be so outspoken towards a 14 year old that dance and sang? Or when he performed at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2010, during a drum solo, he lost a stick. Suddenly, you had the "expert" drummers coming out of the woodworks claiming they never do that.
But I think I finally know why. Yes it's because he's a pop star, yes it's because he's been acting the ass and yes it's because he's Canadian. It's easy to make fun because his mere citizenship makes him an easy target from his fellow Canadians. Canadians don't like it when our own get international fame. There's no other reasonable answer but that. Whenever a song by a Canadian band or artists receives airplay, the casual fan will feel joy for them but once they go international, the joy turns to disdain. I've met my share of people who dislike Canadian talent.
Bieber, you hate. Drake, you don't like. Celine Dion, I personally don't care for. Nickelback, nobody likes them. Dallas Green admitted his fans thought Alexisonfire sold out. I'm not the only one who wishes they never heard Patio Lanterns by Kim Mitchell. Simple Plan, you couldn't stand. Sum 41, you were a fan of, then they matured and Brown Sound left but you still liked Green Day? Why aren't Canadians proud of their own? Jealousy? Or do you want to keep what's yours?
Is Canadian content so exclusive? Would you prefer it if he had stayed in Canada? Became a staple on MuchMusic like Damian Abraham from Canadian metal band Fucked Up, had his own documentary (real or fake) series like the Trailer Park Boys, CTV specials during the holidays like Russell Peters or Michael Bublé? America was going to discover him, in some way or another. The Kids In The Hall, the comedy troupe from the early nineties, started out in Canada but soon were discovered by Lorne Michaels, creator of SNL. With Michaels help, KITH got their own show that broadcasted in Canada and in the US, on HBO. Their show ran for five years and each member had their share of fame in the US and back home in Canada.
The ceiling isn't too high for those who choose to stay in Canada and work in the entertainment industry; and the kid from Stratford made it further than any other male pop singer. Pop music is a median that reaches bigger audience than big band (Michael Bublé's genre). Apart from the Flintstones theme song, Carleton singing Kalamazoo on Fresh Prince and walking through a department store during the holidays, most don't listen to big band music. The Stratford kid, sings better, makes more money and is more popular than most Canadian men, the same Canadian men who express their hate for Bieber the loudest. The only scientific reason as to why Canadians express so much hostility toward those who have successfully made it, is jealousy. Jealousy in men is influenced by one man's dominance over another in a physical, mental, financial, psychological, or popular way. Now I know people will say they aren't jealous but if you're a long time Bieber hater: someone who has called his haircut stupid, his singing terrible, didn't like his songs, ashamed he was Canadian or wished he would die; I need for you to explain why. We can exclude last year, because he did a lot to prove a case but prior to that, I think a bit of an explanation is needed from those long time non-Beliebers.
Me personally? I don't mind the Biebs. I didn't like 'Baby' at first because the overplay was annoying but after seeing Aziz Ansari's Funny Or Die sketch where Biebervelli shot him and stole his song, I warmed up to it. I liked his second album, Believe. His collabo with Drake was fire. His #MusicMonday installment in the fall was nothing but hit after hit. He showed that he was maturing in his music which is rare for pop acts mainly because we're never too sure on their age. Carly Rae Jepsen was 27 singing a song that was written for a 16 year old.
Oh, and by the way, Journals was GREAT. It honestly was.
To steal from myself, that igloo that Canadians like to feel safe in has melted a bit since last year. Bieber has gone through his own troubles, Drake has thrown lobs to US men about the racial ethnic women Toronto has to offer (not to mention his OVOFest gets bigger every year) and of course, Rob Ford. Don't really need to get into that one. The igloo is melting under the spotlight. Justin knows what people are saying but strong willed people can't be broken; as he alluded to in his first song since his arrest, 'Broken' -- I cannot be broken/ like I know you were hoping -- Justin is still young and still learning but eventually he'll get it right. when he decides to come home on brighter terms, I hope Canada shows some remorse.
We all make mistakes especially when we're young but some of us aren't watched by millions or have millions to spent it how we may. Right now a spotlight is on Toronto, we can't hide anymore. It's time to show support for Canadian acts under these bright lights while they last and put our jealousy aside.
Justin Bieber has been in the public eye since he was 13 years old. Posting videos of himself singing on his YouTube channel, from his home and on the steps of buildings in his hometown of Stratford, Ontario. Once the young singer began to gaining the attention online, a bidding war between Usher and Justin Timberlake began, with young Justin eventually choosing Usher over the former N*SYNC singer. Bieber is the first to be signed to a major label contract basically off of the internet, a trend that would only continue for singers, actors, directors and more to come in the foreseeable future.
Since his first big hit "Baby" featuring Ludacris, people have hated him. Was it the hair? Was it the music? Was it his babyface image? Unfortunately, it was all of it. Most pop acts would receive backlash but this was a new age of pop stars and general artistic critique from social networks like Facebook, Twitter and personal opinion blogs, like this one. You see, there were guys that hated him because he was popular at the age of 14 and his song was everywhere. He also shared the same haircut as some skater kids and other Caucasian males who didn't want to visit a barber. Or hair stylist. (A haircut that was popular at the time with Canadian boys). They hated a kid with hair like a mop and who was singing, dancing and making girls scream. You know the same girls that you may have liked at that age?
Fast forward five years, Bieber was still in the press, even bigger than before. He cut his hair that resembled a lesbian, got tattoos, dated Selena Gomez and spazzed out at photographer saying "I'll beat the f*ck out of you." That's when the babyface image was no more and the nickname Biebervelli was coined by hip-hop writer Kazeem Famuyide.
When he announced in 2013 he was going to retire after his digital album Journals, I took it as a sign that he needed a break. Three studio albums, two compilations, one EP and a few remixed albums, is a lot for anyone, let alone before he can legally drink in the US. But it was more of a reason for him to have more free time to partying with his rapper friends, play basketball, skateboarding and of course, hockey. If that isn't what a 19 year old who works all the time wants to do on their free time, then I clearly don't know high schoolers as well as I thought.
Then he got arrested. Everybody and their mother had something to say. The news, late night TV, all across social media, then the mug shot was released, then the comparisons to Corey Haim began. It was terrible. Then CP24 was there live as he was sworn in for assaulting a limo driver. Then reports of him getting deported. Then the internet jokingly decided whoever won the Olympic game between the US and Canada's men's hockey game the loser keeps him. It was madness. But this is what you all wanted.
You wanted him to fail, you wanted him to crumble, you wanted him to not be successful. Since 2010, your vitriol for him has grown and has now begun to sprout. You have now blossomed into a full blown hater. Congrats! Here's some complementary dirt for you! You quench your thirst every time he's mentioned in a conversation, every time you see his name on a news ticker. For what reason did you have to be so outspoken towards a 14 year old that dance and sang? Or when he performed at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2010, during a drum solo, he lost a stick. Suddenly, you had the "expert" drummers coming out of the woodworks claiming they never do that.
But I think I finally know why. Yes it's because he's a pop star, yes it's because he's been acting the ass and yes it's because he's Canadian. It's easy to make fun because his mere citizenship makes him an easy target from his fellow Canadians. Canadians don't like it when our own get international fame. There's no other reasonable answer but that. Whenever a song by a Canadian band or artists receives airplay, the casual fan will feel joy for them but once they go international, the joy turns to disdain. I've met my share of people who dislike Canadian talent.
Bieber, you hate. Drake, you don't like. Celine Dion, I personally don't care for. Nickelback, nobody likes them. Dallas Green admitted his fans thought Alexisonfire sold out. I'm not the only one who wishes they never heard Patio Lanterns by Kim Mitchell. Simple Plan, you couldn't stand. Sum 41, you were a fan of, then they matured and Brown Sound left but you still liked Green Day? Why aren't Canadians proud of their own? Jealousy? Or do you want to keep what's yours?
Is Canadian content so exclusive? Would you prefer it if he had stayed in Canada? Became a staple on MuchMusic like Damian Abraham from Canadian metal band Fucked Up, had his own documentary (real or fake) series like the Trailer Park Boys, CTV specials during the holidays like Russell Peters or Michael Bublé? America was going to discover him, in some way or another. The Kids In The Hall, the comedy troupe from the early nineties, started out in Canada but soon were discovered by Lorne Michaels, creator of SNL. With Michaels help, KITH got their own show that broadcasted in Canada and in the US, on HBO. Their show ran for five years and each member had their share of fame in the US and back home in Canada.
The ceiling isn't too high for those who choose to stay in Canada and work in the entertainment industry; and the kid from Stratford made it further than any other male pop singer. Pop music is a median that reaches bigger audience than big band (Michael Bublé's genre). Apart from the Flintstones theme song, Carleton singing Kalamazoo on Fresh Prince and walking through a department store during the holidays, most don't listen to big band music. The Stratford kid, sings better, makes more money and is more popular than most Canadian men, the same Canadian men who express their hate for Bieber the loudest. The only scientific reason as to why Canadians express so much hostility toward those who have successfully made it, is jealousy. Jealousy in men is influenced by one man's dominance over another in a physical, mental, financial, psychological, or popular way. Now I know people will say they aren't jealous but if you're a long time Bieber hater: someone who has called his haircut stupid, his singing terrible, didn't like his songs, ashamed he was Canadian or wished he would die; I need for you to explain why. We can exclude last year, because he did a lot to prove a case but prior to that, I think a bit of an explanation is needed from those long time non-Beliebers.
Me personally? I don't mind the Biebs. I didn't like 'Baby' at first because the overplay was annoying but after seeing Aziz Ansari's Funny Or Die sketch where Biebervelli shot him and stole his song, I warmed up to it. I liked his second album, Believe. His collabo with Drake was fire. His #MusicMonday installment in the fall was nothing but hit after hit. He showed that he was maturing in his music which is rare for pop acts mainly because we're never too sure on their age. Carly Rae Jepsen was 27 singing a song that was written for a 16 year old.
Oh, and by the way, Journals was GREAT. It honestly was.
To steal from myself, that igloo that Canadians like to feel safe in has melted a bit since last year. Bieber has gone through his own troubles, Drake has thrown lobs to US men about the racial ethnic women Toronto has to offer (not to mention his OVOFest gets bigger every year) and of course, Rob Ford. Don't really need to get into that one. The igloo is melting under the spotlight. Justin knows what people are saying but strong willed people can't be broken; as he alluded to in his first song since his arrest, 'Broken' -- I cannot be broken/ like I know you were hoping -- Justin is still young and still learning but eventually he'll get it right. when he decides to come home on brighter terms, I hope Canada shows some remorse.
We all make mistakes especially when we're young but some of us aren't watched by millions or have millions to spent it how we may. Right now a spotlight is on Toronto, we can't hide anymore. It's time to show support for Canadian acts under these bright lights while they last and put our jealousy aside.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
A Post About Titties
Boobies, tits, jugs, hooters, knockers, chesticles, melons, tiddays, funbags, whatever you like to call them, breasts are an amazing sight. And should be admired when a nice set crosses your path. That's why this post is amply named: A Post About Titties (because someone on Twitter requested it).
They are soft, they feel nice on our chest when we hug, they are snugly on our face, they are mushy on the lower portions of our body, they're the cause of eyes to divert, they may even cause wars, they help in persuading a man into adding more to a waitress' tip showing cleavage, they look great in slow motion, they are usually the second thing we notice on women after seeing their beautiful faces. Wait, this post is about titties. Who am I impressing?
They come in various sizes, some small, some perky, some real small. Perky ones are fruitful, like bite size candy. The real small ones are also called mosquito bites. Besides the nipple, they don't really poke out but a gal sporting them can wear whatever she wants and it'll look good. Real good. Extremely good. Crop tops, low cut v necks, those tops with the stretched neck over the shoulder? You know those ones? Yeah, they look good in those. But she could also go topless and be one of the guys, they're so small.
There's big breasts. Jugs, just knapsacks of milk. I'll always remember seeing my first pair of big breasts, at the age of 7-9 years old. Don't worry, I was creeping through the small hole in the wall like Porky's and I wasn't being seduced or touched by some cougar. Myself and a few guys were hanging around the monkey bars with some girls, one of those girls was named Ashley. Best way to describe Ashley was ratchet or just really really loud. She had a younger sister, Alana, just as loud maybe even louder but she was ratchet. Got into fights, yelling matches teachers, she was a loose cannon. It's hard to remember what the events prior to the big reveal was but it was a memorable one. Ashley was at the center of the sphere dome climber and she lifted her shirt up.
My goodness. At that age, I wasn't ready. I was not ready to see those Sunny D's to splash me in the face like that. At that age, I was still trying to figure out the science of Pogs. I was thinking: I'm too young for this! And because at that age, pre-internet, I still had a "girls are kinda yucky" mentality. But yet, I was still crushing hard for Vanna White when I watched Wheel of Fortune. I was so confused. So I just turned and walked away in disgust, so did the other boys. She did it twice btw.
Then there's the sad breasts, the droopy breasts. Big and small. The ones that look like old hot dog buns at the back of the fridge. The ones that just hang like drool from a dog. The ones all bruised like a UFC fighter after a three round slobberknocker (hehe, slobberknockers). The ones that aren't even proportioned right, looking like they'd fit perfecting on the scale of the Libra horoscope. The ones that reach a woman's bellybutton, with a bra on. The ones that look like they can be draped over like a scarf. The ones that look like boxing gloves hanging around a boxer's neck. I'd hate to be too harsh but I'm looking out for you by saying get those puppies need to be reduced. Don't want you to hurt someone when you're with your spouse or in the showers at a gym.
Nice breasts are almost hard to come by and hard to define. Men have their preferences and typically don't always agree when it comes to certain body types, including breasts. But I think the perfect breasts would be a B or a C, a breast that has that water balloon bounce to them, that Kirby float in a small t-shirt look to them, that tear drop curve to them. But that's just my guess, I think men can all agree they want what's just right for them. On some Goldilocks shit.
In all honesty, I'm not that big of a breast man*. Breasts can easily be altered to look bigger than they're perceived to be. Push-up bras. Implants. It's easy spot a fake set (sometimes, most times). Some girls get bad implant jobs, ends up looking like a full bag of garbage. Easiest way to spot them are breasts are flat on top, anything spherical and they've had help of a doctor or a great purchase at VS. But I do love him, so do most men. We definitely appreciate them and use many many adjectives to describe them. Supple, sweet, luscious, glorious, bountiful, ample, big ol' titties but I think most men want to give a Dave Chappelle reaction when they see a great set.
* - For those wondering, I'm more of a man that likes proportion, not really hour glass shape but I prefer if everything goes together. If her breasts are big, hopefully the butt is too. If she lacks in one area, I'm hoping she makes up for it in other areas. But the breasts are a toss up for me. No breasts? Let's hope she as a butt or some legs. I'm just being honest.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Five Shows To Watch During the Holiday Season
You're finally done exams, you're stressed out, all you want is sleep
and rest. Your heads been stuck in books, ignoring everything and
everyone that doesn't involve your studies. So after you throw those books out of presence and come back from your nap, you're wondering to yourself: What have missed? Back once again, I'm here to suggest a few shows for you to watch during the holiday season. Remember these are suggestions that I've either watched or heard good things about, I won't steer you wrong. See how everyone turned their back on Homeland after it's third season? Yeah I'm not one of those people. Oh if you just want to see stupidity in 40 minutes, watch the finale of Dexter.
The Mindy Project (2 Seasons, 35 episodes)
Now when this show first came out, I suggested you skipped it mainly because it was still trying to find itself. The cast was bloated, writing was clumsy and not very funny. But I guess Mindy Kaling was secretly reading my blog and made the necessary changes, now the cast feels like a unit with the addition of Ike Barinholtz (Mad TV) and Adam Pally (Happy Endings) and with actual story arcs. This show now has charm, sweetness and bellowing laughs.
The show follows Mindy Lahiri an OB/GYN has she is the practices of her office and the rivalry with the midwives upstairs in her office building and faces the challenges of being single while trying to live up to every romantic movie she's seen. Plus Chris Messina who plays Dr. Danny Castellano is the best thing, a man's man who in the last episode before taking it's break, danced to Aaliyah's 'Try Again'.
Boardwalk Empire (4 Seasons, 48 episodes)
How more people aren't talking or watching this I don't understand. Maybe because it aired the same time as Breaking Bad and doesn't get the hype it rightfully deserves. It's one of the best written shows with a cast that displays unbelievably great acting. The cast expands in every season and there's characters you'll be introduced to in the first season that doesn't return until season 2 and they have a story branch for them. The best way to watch it is in a marathon watch. The show is about a treasurer Enoch "Nucky" Thompson during the 1920 and 30's of the Prohibition era, who rises to power and prominence in Atlantic City. The way the story arcs and history intertwine is an amazing feat by the writers and the cast just molds so well together. In later seasons, the position of power shifts and money changes hands as they introduce historical mob figures like Al Capone, Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky. And there's a lot of naked women.
Orphan Black (1 Season, 10 episodes)
From BBC comes the very excellent Orphan Black. The premise? Tatiana Maslany, (Canadian btw) plays Sarah, a con artist, who finds out she's a clone. A clone of six very different clones, possibly more. There's Beth, a cop, Alison, a soccer mom, Cosima, a grad student and Helena, an assassin. And sometimes she plays two or three at the same time in a scene. Now I know what you're thinking, doe she get naked? No, well not really (if we're getting technical). But you're also thinking how is this possible and how good is Maslany to play these six different characters? Well, Maslany is pretty damn good at it, she recently received a Golden Globe nomination for best actress in a TV Drama. For someone to play different characters with their own traits and not mirror any other character takes some real acting chops to perform. At only 10 episodes, you can marathon through this without even getting out of bed.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (1 Season, 11 episodes)
Whatever you feelings are about toward Adam Samberg should be thrown out before you watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Whether you or not you like his SNL Digital Shorts or The Lonely Island stuff or his movies like Hot Rod or That's My Boy. Throw all that out and wipe your Samberg hate board clean.
Andy Samberg stars in this cop comedy about a hot shot cop whose trying to solve crimes and crack jokes with his strict new captain Andre Braugher. This is a Samberg reinvented, he's goofy but carries himself well to know there's a case to be taken seriously at the end of the day. Created by Michael Schur (Parks and Recreation and The Office) it's different than his other shows but the subtext of an adopted family is still there. Also Terry Crews is in it and his absolutely fantastic as this muscle bulging sergeant whose lost his edge after a few incidents and he's quite crafty, enjoys doodling but hates princess castles.
Happy Endings (3 Seasons, 57 Episodes)
It still hurts it got cancelled due to ABC's own doing. Hmm, how can I suggest that people should watch one of funniest shows in recent years, where it's punchline ratio is better than Rudy Gay's shooting percentage? Hmm. Gifs. Yep gifs! Ooh like a Buzzfeed article!
The show is about six friends in their early 30's living in Chicago
http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/coach-white-people.gif
There's Dave whose 1/16th Navajo.
He also has a steak truck, where he created the Steak-tanic
He was also engaged to Alex, who isn't all that bright
She's also very hungry, a lot
She likes to play with her food too
Alex sister is Jane, who is married to Brad
Who likes to twirl
They are the best TV couple that every real couple wants to be like
Who like to play "games"
They like sex, a lot
Jane is a bit controlling
She also isn't a fan of surprises
Then there's Max, whose gay, who Brad met on the cancelled season of Real World: Sacramento. Where Brad had dreads.
They're a pretty good tandem, especially when it comes to dance
Max is lazy, somewhat fat, does what he can for money and has his own set of priorities
Who likes to be the center of attention
He also drops the occasional Jay-Z reference
He's gal pals with Penny
Penny is constantly looking for love but when she sees a guy she likes, she knows it.
But someone it gets broken off, it's cool, she gets over it in her on way
She has her few catchphrases too
And through all of this, they laugh
They drink
They continue to make fun of Dave
But it's all love at the end. A true happy ending.
And if you meet anyone that says anything bad about Happy Endings, just tell them to be quiet or...
And they're well aware of the Friends comparison
Honorable Mentions
Arrow: (2 Seasons, 32 episodes) DC might sucked at making movies about heroes not named Batman and Superman but what their doing on TV right now, Marvel can't touch (yeah I'm talking about Agents of SHIELD). Arrow is the best comic book based show on television and there's a Flash spinoff that's being prepped for next year.
Orange Is The New Black: (1 Season, 13 episodes) Because everyone who owns Netflix says it's the show to watch on there.
Young Justice: (2 Seasons, 46 episodes) A different take on the DC Universe, focusing on the young core group of superheroes such as Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy and Ms. Martian. Only 2 seasons because the people over at Cartoon Network don't know how to handle good programs and cancelled it.
The Mindy Project (2 Seasons, 35 episodes)
Now when this show first came out, I suggested you skipped it mainly because it was still trying to find itself. The cast was bloated, writing was clumsy and not very funny. But I guess Mindy Kaling was secretly reading my blog and made the necessary changes, now the cast feels like a unit with the addition of Ike Barinholtz (Mad TV) and Adam Pally (Happy Endings) and with actual story arcs. This show now has charm, sweetness and bellowing laughs.
The show follows Mindy Lahiri an OB/GYN has she is the practices of her office and the rivalry with the midwives upstairs in her office building and faces the challenges of being single while trying to live up to every romantic movie she's seen. Plus Chris Messina who plays Dr. Danny Castellano is the best thing, a man's man who in the last episode before taking it's break, danced to Aaliyah's 'Try Again'.
Boardwalk Empire (4 Seasons, 48 episodes)
How more people aren't talking or watching this I don't understand. Maybe because it aired the same time as Breaking Bad and doesn't get the hype it rightfully deserves. It's one of the best written shows with a cast that displays unbelievably great acting. The cast expands in every season and there's characters you'll be introduced to in the first season that doesn't return until season 2 and they have a story branch for them. The best way to watch it is in a marathon watch. The show is about a treasurer Enoch "Nucky" Thompson during the 1920 and 30's of the Prohibition era, who rises to power and prominence in Atlantic City. The way the story arcs and history intertwine is an amazing feat by the writers and the cast just molds so well together. In later seasons, the position of power shifts and money changes hands as they introduce historical mob figures like Al Capone, Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky. And there's a lot of naked women.
Orphan Black (1 Season, 10 episodes)
From BBC comes the very excellent Orphan Black. The premise? Tatiana Maslany, (Canadian btw) plays Sarah, a con artist, who finds out she's a clone. A clone of six very different clones, possibly more. There's Beth, a cop, Alison, a soccer mom, Cosima, a grad student and Helena, an assassin. And sometimes she plays two or three at the same time in a scene. Now I know what you're thinking, doe she get naked? No, well not really (if we're getting technical). But you're also thinking how is this possible and how good is Maslany to play these six different characters? Well, Maslany is pretty damn good at it, she recently received a Golden Globe nomination for best actress in a TV Drama. For someone to play different characters with their own traits and not mirror any other character takes some real acting chops to perform. At only 10 episodes, you can marathon through this without even getting out of bed.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (1 Season, 11 episodes)
Whatever you feelings are about toward Adam Samberg should be thrown out before you watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Whether you or not you like his SNL Digital Shorts or The Lonely Island stuff or his movies like Hot Rod or That's My Boy. Throw all that out and wipe your Samberg hate board clean.
Andy Samberg stars in this cop comedy about a hot shot cop whose trying to solve crimes and crack jokes with his strict new captain Andre Braugher. This is a Samberg reinvented, he's goofy but carries himself well to know there's a case to be taken seriously at the end of the day. Created by Michael Schur (Parks and Recreation and The Office) it's different than his other shows but the subtext of an adopted family is still there. Also Terry Crews is in it and his absolutely fantastic as this muscle bulging sergeant whose lost his edge after a few incidents and he's quite crafty, enjoys doodling but hates princess castles.
Happy Endings (3 Seasons, 57 Episodes)
It still hurts it got cancelled due to ABC's own doing. Hmm, how can I suggest that people should watch one of funniest shows in recent years, where it's punchline ratio is better than Rudy Gay's shooting percentage? Hmm. Gifs. Yep gifs! Ooh like a Buzzfeed article!
The show is about six friends in their early 30's living in Chicago
http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/coach-white-people.gif
There's Dave whose 1/16th Navajo.
He also has a steak truck, where he created the Steak-tanic
He was also engaged to Alex, who isn't all that bright
She's also very hungry, a lot
She likes to play with her food too
Alex sister is Jane, who is married to Brad
Who likes to twirl
They are the best TV couple that every real couple wants to be like
Who like to play "games"
They like sex, a lot
Jane is a bit controlling
She also isn't a fan of surprises
Then there's Max, whose gay, who Brad met on the cancelled season of Real World: Sacramento. Where Brad had dreads.
They're a pretty good tandem, especially when it comes to dance
Max is lazy, somewhat fat, does what he can for money and has his own set of priorities
Who likes to be the center of attention
He also drops the occasional Jay-Z reference
He's gal pals with Penny
Penny is constantly looking for love but when she sees a guy she likes, she knows it.
But someone it gets broken off, it's cool, she gets over it in her on way
She has her few catchphrases too
And through all of this, they laugh
They drink
They continue to make fun of Dave
But it's all love at the end. A true happy ending.
And if you meet anyone that says anything bad about Happy Endings, just tell them to be quiet or...
And they're well aware of the Friends comparison
Honorable Mentions
Arrow: (2 Seasons, 32 episodes) DC might sucked at making movies about heroes not named Batman and Superman but what their doing on TV right now, Marvel can't touch (yeah I'm talking about Agents of SHIELD). Arrow is the best comic book based show on television and there's a Flash spinoff that's being prepped for next year.
Orange Is The New Black: (1 Season, 13 episodes) Because everyone who owns Netflix says it's the show to watch on there.
Young Justice: (2 Seasons, 46 episodes) A different take on the DC Universe, focusing on the young core group of superheroes such as Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy and Ms. Martian. Only 2 seasons because the people over at Cartoon Network don't know how to handle good programs and cancelled it.
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