Sunday, September 16, 2012

Long Hair, I Do Kinda Care: Cornrows and Ponytails

What exactly is the cut off age for someone having cornrows?  19-21. When white women go to a sandy beach destination and want to live their Bo Derek fantasy from the only movie most people even know her for, that's a pass but as soon as you hop on the plane back home your man or friend better take them things. You can't win with braids.

When I see black males that are clearly over the age of 21 and they have braids, I can't help but wonder if they choose to avoid a barbershop when they see one. What reason do you have to walk around your town with braids still?  Oh the ladies loved them in high school, cool.  How old are you now?  20 years old?  Go to the barber.  If I was an employer and you came in with cornrows, whether or not you can do the job isn't even my priority at that moment. All I'm thinking about is, where do you live and are there barbershops there?  And please don't try and convince me your a product of your environment, everybody got braids there so you must follow suit. Stop it. I will not believe you of that bullshit.


Ray Horton, Arizona Cardinals defensive coordinator, is 52 years old.  At that age he'd be lucky to have hair especially when you used to be an athlete and daily stress of your career causes hair loss. At 52, Ray has cornrows. Is he single?  Is he trying to keep up with the 21-24 year old players he's coaching?  Why Ray?

"But RGIII (Robert Griffin III) has braids!"

Griffin makes 5.2 million a year, what's your bi-weekly cheque look like?

Maintaining a short haircut isn't that hard.  Wash and comb, don't be one of them dudes brushing constantly to keep their waves intact like they're trying to make Frankie Avalon catch a wave on his boogie board. Every month or two get a haircut and start over.  How many times have you asked homegirl few doors down if she can braid your hair tomorrow?  How many times have you asked on FB/Twitter who braids hair?  How many times have you had your head stuck between a woman's legs with no chance of.. ya know?  Stop the madness and head to the barber.

Then there's ponytails.  Why do you have a ponytail when you're not a indy wrestler or part of a rock band?  If you are part of a rock band, don't grow a ponytail.  Do anything else with your hair but grow it into a ponytail (f*#k dreads, don't get ideas).  Serious look around and if you meet someone with a ponytail ask them the following:
What is your wrestling name?  You can look back in the history of wrestling, there's a wide variety of hair that have stuck around for years and the one that remains prodomiate is the ponytail.  HHH, Mr. Perfect, Shawn Michaels, Test, Edge, Christian, Shane Helms. Helms, Edge, Christian and have all cut their hair during their careers and have had a respectful resume, not so much Helms, even he knew that superhero gimmick would go too far. Recently HHH cut his hair, yes he looks odd without that grudge tribute attached to his head but everyone looks odd the first few times you see them without hair.  You get used to it, that's life.  Shit changes and you learn to adapt.  Then there are the people that are still living in the glory days, holding onto what makes them them.

What's the name of your band?  Are their rock bands with guys with ponytails still? I know there was the whole dreads phase that Jonathan Davis of Korn still has but are ponytails still part of the attire or has the hair moved to their face?  I've seen a lot of bands where there's atleast two guys that look like they're part of Sons of Anarchy cosplay minus the bikes and irish accents.  Just beards, beards and clothes that make them look like their from some village Liam Neesan has to kick ass in ie. The Sheep Dogs. I completely understand having a ponytail and you're in a band, for handbanging circumstances. If not cut it. You can't headbang without a mane of a hair.

What crime syndicate are you apart of?  Look at any action movie from the 80's, there's a ponytail express of goons with sub machine guns who can't shoot and have bad english.  Unless you're benching mini coopers, grab some safety scissors and do away the locks.

What hair salon do you work at?  Stop me if I'm stereotyping but the few times I've walked by a hair salon there's one flamboyant male there whose hair is in a ponytail telling the older woman in the chair how her chair should look and what to do with it. Yeah, you can't tell them what not to wear. They get defensive and there's fingers wagging in your face and threats of discrimination against them and an outcry from "their people". Yeah, it's best not to get in arguements with them.

At the end of the day, do what makes you feel right. I have no control over what other people do with their body, hair etc but if you know someone close to you and they have cornrows or have their hair in a ponytail, talk to them. That goes for guys with long soul patches, ungroomed beards and long side burns with no moustache or goatee.  Life is about progression and you can't progress in life with long hair.

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