Wednesday, October 31, 2012

List: NFL Coaches Who Need To Be Fired

I know being a head coach of a football team or any team is a 24 hour job, you are forever thinking of what scheme or plan you might want to introduce to your team and execute it during a game.  You have to start from the bottom and make your way up to become a head coach, you have to create a gameplan and playbook that will help your team succeed with the players you have to win a championship.  Vince Lombardi, Bill Belicheck, Don Shula, Bill Walsh some of the greatest names in football history who lived as coaches.  Then there's the guys who are part timing it, half assing or in other words plain suck, here's my list of NFL coaches who need to be fired, like yesterday.

5. Marvin Lewis.  It's long overdue.  How he's held onto a job for the past couple of years, I'll never know.  He's been to the playoffs three times in his 9 years and lost in all three.  He seems like a coach people forget has a job still until they make the playoffs or get fired.  Hopefully one of those things happen at the end of this season.

4. Romeo Crennel.  Good lord the Chiefs are bad.  What do you mean you don't know why Jamaal Charles only carried the ball five times on Sunday's game?  Negligant and dumb.  Still haven't proved himself as a coach, except you can't do much without cheating from your New England days.  Seven games without a lead, first team since 1940.  Talk about a great depression because ya know, during the Great Depression is when a team played like that during a season.

3. Andy Reid.  A lot, and I mean A LOT of critics and sportswriters love to point the shit stick at Andy Reid, now Reid has been to three straight NFC conference finals, losing all three, and a Super Bowl, lost that too.  But Andy hasn't really done much since but continue the trend of losing and trying to make Mike Vick a passing quarterback when he isn't.  You have Lesean McCoy who rushed for over 1300 yards and got 17 TDs last year. Give. Him. The ball.  But you overpaid Mike Vick and what to get every dime out of him before he starts seeing flying ducks circle around his head after a big hit when that offensive line plays olay with defenders.  We all saw how Donovan McNabb failed in Washington and Minnesota proving he's a system QB, why can't Andy make a system for Vick?  Use plays that are familiar to him in Atlanta and in college?  He made Kevin Kolb and Jeff Garcia look like stars.  Vick is 32 but an old 32.  He's at the end of his road and so should Andy, make or break season.  Playoffs or bust.

2. Norv Turner.  If there's a team and a coach that has been overlooked when it came to failure and not meeting expectations, it's the San Diego Chargers.  Some want to say he has a great offensive mind (was offensive coordinator for Dallas when they won back-to-back in the 90's) but holy shit, how is this guy still employed?  His record is not impressive, at all, 110-117-1 and 3-3 in the playoffs.  He has the players to do something great with and just blows it.  Chargers either start off the year great and play like trash to end the season, or vice versa.  Norv can lead this team to water but no one know how to swim with their up to their neck and then Antonio Gates gets injured.  And Philip Rivers is worse than Tony Romo.

1. Jason Garrett hasn't done jack to earn his paycheque or his current position, even before he was the head coach he was making $3 million as an assistant coach.  That's insane, I know Jerry Jones has money but you throw money like that at the Quincy Carters of the world.  Jones spends like Cuban but thinks like Al Davis.  That defense is fine, they drafted players to help that awful secondary.  They're 3rd against the pass and 13th against the run.  The play calling is flat out dumb, it's 2nd and 1 and you throw three straight passes?  Blame Romo all you want, yes he's a chunk of the problem but whose calling those plays for him?  I truly believe the Cowboys will never win or make it to the Super Bowl until Jones steps down.  Jerry Jones is the only GM who gets interviewed after a loss during the regular season.  Garrett is just a yes man to the man in the pressbox rapping in commercials.  But he's still an awful coach.

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Beets - Killer Tofu

I feel the best way to talk about this is in point form:

  1. I was never a fan of Doug.  I never caught onto the wave when it first started, it was on Disney (ABC) and I was watching Fox and soon after kidsWB at the time.  I'm writing this on the fly, so I don't know what the schedule looked like at the time but Doug wasn't on my to watch this.  Even after Doug moved networks (a couple times actually), I started to watch and still wasn't a fan (Recess and Pepper Ann >>) but do remember two things about Doug: Quailman and The Beets.
  2. The Beets are arguable the greatest cartoon band of all time.
  3. Bangin On a Trash Can, Shout Your Lungs Out, I Need Mo' Allowance were all jams but nothing was better than...
  4. Killer Tofu.  This still jams, very Blue Oyster Cult (I'm not just saying that because there's a cowbell in the song).  A song with a message, boy those are hard to find these days!  "Fast food feels fuzzy cause it taste like stuff that's scuzzy", tell a child that and see what their reaction might be.
  5. I've listened to this for the last three days straight before going to bed.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

James Harden Gets Traded

James Harden got shipped to the Houston Rockets after passing on a 4 year $54 million contract to stay with the Thunder late last night.  OKC receives guards Kevin Martin, Jeremy Lamb and two first round picks and a secound round pick in the 2013 draft. With Harden, Houston gets Thunder center Cole Aldrich and forwards Daequan Cook and Lazar Hayward.

Harden was a seen as a big piece to the young Thunder squad who made it to the NBA finals last year.  He won sixth man of the year, was an Olympian and made big shots throughout the season.  But he's the sixth man for a reason, he came off the bench.  Those big shots he made during the season and playoffs didn't happen in the finals.  He pretty much laid an egg when the light was shined the brightest.

You can't really be throwing money around when you're a small market team and GM Sam Presti had a sign one/trade the other dilemma at the end of last year with center Serge Ibaka and Harden.  Serge signed an extension of 4 years, $48 million back in August, Harden was still up in the air.  Presti thought he'd stretch his wallet and offer to sign Harden to an extension aswell but it doesn't look like it was enough.  Honestly speaking I think Harden is a good player but he's no star.  He's a friend with benefits, you have fun times with them thinking they're could be more but they're ultimately a fill-in.  He can be replaced very easy and he was.

I know it's roughly been 12 hours since the trade happen and analysing anything is difficult but this is how I take it.  For Harden to deny that contract offer, he wanted to be the man.  He did extremely well last season and was worth the money but he wanted max player money.  There's very few players that deserve max player money.  Presti knew Harden is worth every penny of that max deal but he ain't bout that, I bet he had three teams ready to call if Harden said no.  Houston was probably first on his list and by the looks of things, Houston is trying to fill seats instead of making a run at the playoffs.  This is the same team that threw money at Omer Asik who didn't average more that 8 minutes on the court in Chicago.  Oh yeah, they signed the two week sensation Jeremy Lin to $25 mil too.  Even Carmelo didn't agree with that.

We won't know until the season starts, which is Tuesday btw, whether or not Harden will be the man in Houston, but I'll tell you this: he can keep wearing those funny looking suits, Houston will still laugh at you.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Because It's Been Stuck In My Head...

I'm going to post Queen's Gimme The Prize.  After seeing the 1986 cult film Highlander, this song has been stuck in my head since I first heard it and had to download it that night.  Queen just made montage music, no matter what movie/tv show/birthday video it was for, it would fit perfectly.  There's probably a hundred "We Are The Champions" videos out there, including the campfire sing-a-long from The Mighty Ducks 2, this is a very underrated and overlooked Queen song that deserves recognition.

Gimme The Prize, also known as Kurgen's Theme (the villian of the movie), is just perfect.  Kurgen played by Clancy Brown, some might know him as Mr. Krabs, was a mothereffer in this filck, the song represents fits him like a glove.  Kurgen does whatever he can to achieve "the prize" and Connor McCloud is in his way.  I'll talk about what was great and what was wrong with Highlander another time, the casting being the first things but Clancy was perfect.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I Hate Dwight Howard

A few months ago, I wrote a piece on why I hate Dwight Howard.  I wrote it back in July when the trade rumours for Howard were still hot but now I have a blog, where I can edit properly without it looking like a giant blob of words (Facebook's note editing sucks) and I can link articles and other goodies that make it look like a good piece.  Howard is now in Laker yellow and this weekend he made his preseason debut in Los Angeles, no real biggie until I read this from Yahoo! Sports:

Here’s Dwight Howard talking about the emotions on his first Lakers experience: As the bright lights of the Hollywood stage enveloped Howard in the embrace of a deafening din, the strangest thing happened to the planet’s most dominant, most indomitable force: The moment moved him to tears.
“Emotional,” Howard would say outside his locker Sunday night. “A very humbling experience.”

Yeah, that's some bullshit.  So just remember, I wrote this back in July and my feelings are still the same today.

I hate Dwight Howard.

Now hate is a strong word.  More like, really really really dislike Dwight Howard.  It takes a quite a bit of time and anger for someone to hate someone else, especially when they don’t know them.  Now the word “hate” has lost a bit of its meaning in recent years, when you say hate nowadays it’s mainly used to deflect an unwarranted answer: Man Tim Horton’s coffee sucks!  Why you hating, hater?!  One of the more common fields for someone to “hate” someone else is sports.  Being a sports fan in Toronto, you pretty much have to hate someone on one of this city’s teams before/during and after the season.  Me?  Not really.  People hate Chris Bosh, why?  Cause he spent 7 years carrying the team with minimal support and couldn’t make it out of the first round?  OK.  I hate Karl Malone because he’s a dick of a human being, knocking up a 13 year old when he was 20 and it wasn’t until that child became a WNBA star when he decided to come around on birthdays.  Now that’s a reason to hate someone.  Now I’m going to explain why I ‘hate’ Dwight Howard.

First off what Dwight is doing to the Orlando Magic and the Orlando fans is nothing short of just irresponsible and petty.  He waved off his extension with the Magic in 2011 saying he wants to be traded, he gave them a few team names on where he’d like to go, mainly the Nets and the Lakers.  As the shortened season carried on, he and coach Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy had beef, in April he gets back surgery and the Magic lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Pacers.  In May, Magic fire Van Gundy and GM Otis Smith, On June 29th Howard meets with Nets owner Ivan Drago Mikhail Prokhorov and after a few vodka shots of motivation, he demands a trade to the now Brooklyn Nets (cause I don’t know who the hell would demand a trade to New Jersey, no one likes NJ).  So he has one year left on his contract and he’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to play in Orlando anymore.

Meanwhile around the league you hear many suitors would like Howard apart of their team including Houston, both LA teams and Golden State.  Houston wants a guarantee he sticks around after a potential trade, Golden State is willing to rent him and there have been rumours of him going to LA for two years now and nothing has come to fruition.  There are two things Dwight wants: To be in a Nets jersey and to not piss anybody off.  He wants to be popular in Orlando and play for a winning team, yet he wants to go to the Nets?  With this amount of antics and silliness, you really expect people in Orlando to wave goodbye to you without a middle finger salute?

In Brooklyn, there’s Deron Williams and he doesn’t know what to do, either resign or go to Dallas.  Dwight clearly wants to play with Deron but he’s screwing this whole thing up by delaying free agency.  Nets then had to trade their top pick for Gerald Wallace who later opted out then got resigned by the Nets for more money and the Nets are basically moving on talking to Atlanta about Joe Johnson and his ridiculous contract.  Johnson’s contract fills up a majority of the cap space thus no room for Mr. Howard.  If Dwight doesn’t get traded to Brooklyn this summer and enters free agency in 2013, he doesn’t get what he wants.  What next?

Dwight has been flip flopping on what he wants for two years now, the Magic tried to give him what he wanted: they fired Van Gundy and attempted to give him supporting help.  Wasn’t enough.  For as long as Dwight has been in the league, he’s tried to get what he wants, even off the court by not having his baby moms mention him on Basketball Wives.  Don’t get me started on a show on women that birth babies for these athletes with no wedding picture or ring to make them WIVES.  People think I like to defend LeBron James.  Look I enjoy him as a player and in no way shape or form am I a Miami Heat fan but LeBron never did some shit like this.  He was a free agent and decided to tell the NBA world where he was going on ESPN and let’s be real, after the NBA and NHL playoffs there’s a drought in sports.  People don’t excited over July baseball, sorry.  The only thing LeBron’s Decision and potentially Dwight’s Decision have in common is neither one of them went to college; both of them were kids fresh out of high school that listened to whatever the people around them told them to do.  They’ve been in this sheltered home for so long, once they got bored and decided to creep outside, into the jungle, on their own and they got killed.  Some come equipped with a spear ready, some are carrying a map wondering where to go.

As of right now on July 2nd 2012, Dwight has demanded a trade to the Nets and claims the Magic “blackmailed” him into signing an ‘opt-in’ clause.  People hate LeBron because he chose to play for the Miami Heat and donated $2.5 million tothe Boys & Girls Club after becoming a free agent.  I hate Dwight Howard because of constant flip flopping, never manning up to any of these reports and this bitchy attitude of getting what he wants.  No loyalty and no respect for the parties involved.

Well since writing this a lot has happened: Dwight got traded a month later, to the Lakers.  Bynum got sent to the Philadelphia 76ers, Andre Iguodala got sent to the Denver Nuggets and Orlando got Al Harrington and Arron Afflalo.  Yes, Orlando lost in the trade.  They got a bunch of meh players and draft picks, good luck to Big Baby Davis and JJ Redick carrying that team.  Lakers also got Steve Nash, Antawn Jamison and few bench players from the Howard trade.  Bynum had surgery and Iggy is quiet as always.  I still hate Dwight Howard especially after his emotional debut, IN A PRESEASON GAME.  Why is he pretending like he didn’t want this?  He did want to go to the Lakers first but he didn’t want to be compared to Shaq and then he didn’t sign his extension. 

No matter what you do you will be known as Dwight Howard, the dick headed cry baby center with no posts moves what so ever who cried cried cried until he gets what he wanted.  Oh I can’t wait when the Lakers to begin fighting with each other.  I give them the second week in January before we hear the first "turmoil in the locker room" reports or the "Dwight doesn't like the coaching directions" reports.  Oh and believe folks in Toronto will be watching when the Lakeshow comes up north.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Video: Action Bronson - The Symbol

One of my favourite rappers in recent years, Action Bronson makes his debut as a 80's street super hero (in the same vein as Black Dynamite) in the Rik Cordero-directed video, The Symbol.  First single off his up and coming mixtape Rare Chandeliers produced by The Alchemist, Bronsolino looks to continue is streak of tapes from last year, he dropped Blue Chips back in March and has done a few features in recent months but a full project was needed.

While I wait on Rare Chandeliers, I'll play this video back a few times.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Video: Honest Trailer - Paranormal Activity

Now I've never seen any of the Paranormal Activity movies because they look like shit.  There's nothing about moving bedsheets and shadows that make the movies interesting to me.  Well I don't know how much time just magically passed but they're already on the fourth sequel, I have never heard anyone talk about any of the sequels but they seem to be going with the same formula like the previous flicks: "found footage", cast of unknown actors, shit moving in the shadows, doors closing and shots of the audience being startled in the theatres. 

With that formula, this franchise as grossed over $575 million worldwide (and the fourth one topped the box office this weekend).  Movies close to Halloween is easy money and folks like to be in the spirit but they will and have milked this movie, it is Saw of years ago.  Horror movies nowadays are boring, they're stories based on haunted houses, creepy kids or something possessed/spooky from the bible, found footage horror movies being the latest trend in horror and it's nothing worth really watching, I don't see anyone chatting up Chernobyl Diaries or Apollo 18 after they dropped.

Now this latest installment of honest trailer, where they... well it's in the name, they honestly tell you about the movie, they sum up every bad thought I had about this movie in under 3 minutes.  I'm glad I didn't waste my money or my time. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Video: tabi Bonney feat. Fat Trel - Time Of Her Life

Coming from the DMV area (D.C., Maryland, Virginia), tabi and Trel break out the bikes and ride around northeast Washington surrounded by a lovely cast of women.  Of his EP, Lovely Park, tabi still reminding us just because summer is gone doesn't mean the anthems have to stop.  And I don't know what's in the water but D.C. is blessed with some beautiful women, these girls are about that thrift store lifestyle.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Japanese Ocean Queen Bee Bomb

The Japanese are none for having long titles for simple things.  It's just a cutthroat version of the Northern Lights Bomb which is a brainbuster varitation.

No biggie.

I Have No Problem With Kim Kardashian Shopping For A Halloween Costume

Nope none.  Thanks Buzzfeed.

Rawr indeed.

Monday, October 15, 2012

I Only Love Her...

Now on twitter (@j_millerdark btw, in case you care) usually when I'm not tweeting about what I'm watching or doing day to day, I occassionally drop the line "I only love her..." from the song 3 Kings by Rick Ross, Dr. Dre and Jay-Z are also on the song, this line usually ends with a feature of a female in which I am very appreciative her.  Now this ranges from something physical, dressing accordingly or talent wise.  There's many ways to end that statement that's why it's so fun to tweet and hula hooping is a very underrated talent.

I don't know what it is but I'm memorized right now by this video.  Whether it's the impressive skill of hula hooping, the mello country music in the background, her bright smile or her grey yoga pants but I could probably watch this all day and not have a problem with it.  Now if I can find a gal who has a talent of hula hooping, she would get brunch from me with a refill on the OJ (yes I rate women on what meals they deserve but that's another story) and brunch = wifey.  Just sit back and enjoy and if you're a female watching, pick up a hula hoop.

P.S. Happy Birthday me

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Random GIF of the Day

It always seems like fat lineman love to celebrate whenever they get a sack or tackle for a loss.  This one is from a few weeks ago (during that dreadful Green Bay-Seattle game) but I still get a chuckle out of it.  And it's not the Gangnam Style dance, yeah I'm passed that.

Friday, October 12, 2012

WFMML: Sweet Brown

Bless her soul and that ashy skin.  I don't even know how I discovered this internet meme but it's has stuck with me for the entire year.  Now I know news stations purposely do this: if the story is based in a lesser financial buildings or a project, they find the most ghetto person in the area ask them to be interviewed for the nightly news.  It's the entire interview that makes this clip a highlight, I'll forever laugh at it.  Her eyes when she says cold pop, her crackled lips, her scarf, the kid -- who I presume is her son, wondering why his mama accepted the interview -- walking back and forth SMHin the background and the phrase that I use daily, twice on Sundays: 


I Still Have A Crush On Lindsay Lohan

Yeah I'll admit it, like others have once said, I want this Lindsay Lohan back. 

I really don't know what happened to her career in the last few years, she had Hollywood in her hands and potential to be one of the more recognizable young actresses but threw it away.  She's now known as the stereotypical child star with a ruined career due to various factors and mistakes.  I remember the exact moment I realized I had a crush on her.  The very first time she hosted SNL back on May 1, 2004 when the last remaining stars such as Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon and Maya Rudolph were still there.  Like I never really had that much of an interest in SNL back in the 2000's, I was a MadTV fan from the beginning (for a couple years it was MadTV > SNL) and chose it over the NBC program but when I found out Lohan was hosting I was eager to see it.  I didn't catch Mean Girls in theatres but heard enough good things about it to make me want to watch her host that weekend.  I even taped it, on a VCR (vintage).  Throughout that week, I watched that one episode of SNL three times.  The episode was humorous but I'd mainly watch it to see Lilo (that Debbie Downer skit and the Harry Potter skit still get legit LOLs from me).  

Through the years I'd always check to see what her future projets she had in the works, none worth really noting (I don't see anyone quoting Bobby).  She lost weight, entered rehab, started sniffing that white, played Grand Theft Auto drunk and in real life crashing into everybody on the road, dyed her hair blonde tried this whole Marilyn Monroe thing (even for her Playboy shoot), started making terrible in fact turrible movies and just kept taking steps back for the last five years.  Only time you'd hear about her is when she's getting arrested or charged for something.

Sure I've seen her nude, three (maybe four, maybe five) times now but after awhile I'm thinking "Wow Lilo is naked again, damn sure looks unhealthy!"  She hasn't gained the weight back, still making bad movies, for Lifetime of all people.  Folks turned their back on her, not even gonna mention that wacky family.  She should stay low but keeps popping up in the news for the wrong reasons as usual.  Now most would drop their crushes once they've done something foolish like a running back that's fumbled twice and giving them negative points in a fantasy league. 

We've all had past crushes that either still remain in our dreams or have hit the trash bins of our minds, Lilo is on the edge of my dream coach just beside the trash bin.  Whether age got to them, they did something that was a turn off or they just faded away like dust off a cowboy's boot.  They have slumps, like any fantasy player, shit like any human, where we wish them the best and hope they can bounce back and make the right decisions for themselves but it's up to them.  You're not in their mind or in their entourage telling them what's good and what's bad.  You just gotta believe they know what they're doing and look at all angles for saying/doing/tweeting anything.  Crushes come and go as the years go by, someone crushes are at the top of people's fantasy roster.  Some people have sleepers that most won't think of at first and near the end of that fantasy roster is that one you have hope for, that you believe can have a comeback and surprise people.  Lilo is the last pick on my roster.

So yes, I still have a crush on Lindsay Lohan.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Video: Miguel on Letterman

Miguel, the simp gawd of the year, appeared on Letterman last night introducing Miguel with a Spanish thang to his name.  Performing "Adorn" from this latest album Kaleidoscope Dream, the singer is hidden in smoke crooning as the ladies foam in their seats.  Letterman says at the end, “Remember, check the batteries on your smoke detectors annually.”  If you know the songs then you know what it does to the ladies.  Miguel is SIMPly winning this year.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Meanwhile In Bollywood...

Words really can't really describe what is happening in this ending(?) to this Bollywood version of Jaws.  There's mega zooms, weird editing, screaming (from the shark?) and some real stern looks from the actors.  Did the helicopter blow up or did it just fall out of the bathtub?  Just watch and be perflexed as I am.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Video: Vancome Lady Greets Trick-Or-Treaters

I'll be one of the few to say Mad TV > Saturday Night Live back in the 90's and early 2000's.  It wasn't appreciated until it was gone.  I was watching it from the very beginning, back when they still had Spy vs. Spy and Artie Lange was in drag.  In the later years comedians like Will Sasso, Michael McDonald, Alex Borstein and others joined the cast and that's when it was really hitting its stride.  Then after they left including long time cast member Debra Wilson, you knew it was on its last legs.

I'm not one of the folks that giggle at "Can I Have Your Numbah?!", I still don't find that sketch funny or the fast food joint sequel.  The early sketches of Mad TV were some of the best and showed some remarkable sketches for the time.  The earlier episodes might be overlooked due to the popularity of Sasso and Borstein's characters.  Vancome Lady is one of the best characters in the show's run.  Played by Nicole Sullivan one of the originals from the first season.  Vancome Lady could come up with some true jabs and haymakers that would still dig to this day.  One of her best characters.

Something From Japan: Silent Library

Silent Library is a segment originated in a Japanese variety show Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!!.  Set in a library, six cards are placed down on a table, one marked with a skull and crossbones deciding the contestant.  Contestants must remain silent while stunts are performed, these stunts vary from things disgusting to painful to just flat out bizarre.  MTV made a game show out of the segment, with contestants ranging from Jimmy Fallon and The Roots, Ron Jeremy, Bieber Da Gawd, New Boyz and Asher Roth.

You can never go wrong with game shows.  They're cheap, fun and always enjoyable.  Jeopardy, Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune have been on for decades and don't really seem like they're ending anytime soon.  MTV cancelled Silent Library in 2011 when there was so much potential.  The Japanese version of Silent Library is a lot different then the MTV version.  Mainly the contestants are laughing like a kindergarten kids and someone farted in the room, they don't attack the cards once they're placed and there's no break in between picking the contestant and the stunt.  I enjoy both versions of the segment but I like game shows.  Just below is the Japanese version of Silent Library, tell me which one you prefer.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Being a Sports Fan In Toronto

Since youth, sports have always been the main activity for exercise.  Our parents wanted us to participate in them in school to be healthy, make friends and potentially make us fans of a sport so later in life we can grow up and take the sport serious.  Playing in amateur leagues with the possibility to perhaps play it professionally.  Not everyone was made to play sports but the few that loved the sport naturally became fans and most would select the city where they were born and raised in and root for the team representing their city.  There’s always the big market cities where some of the best players want to go to play and then there’s Toronto.  Teams that represent Toronto just can’t seem to get over the hump.

Toronto has three teams in a national sports league (CFL doesn’t count since it’s a Canadian league) and the Raptors were the last team to make the playoffs in five years.  The Maple Leafs have not been to the playoffs in 8 years, the Blue Jays haven’t been in the playoffs in 19 years and Toronto FC has yet to make the playoffs since fruition in 2007.  Now I don’t want to put a dim light on Toronto’s lack of success in the playoffs compared to other cities.  Atlanta has won one championship in their sports teams history, the Braves in 1995 but those old TBS Superstation commercials reminds me of their 14 straight division titles in the 90’s.  There's Cleveland, don't really need to go in depth on Cleveland's failures.  They have names for their failuresThe Kansas City Royals have an even worse drought of 28 years and are constantly at the bottom of their division, there’s potential for them to do well leading up to the season and usually end up last.  Just like the Jays.

The Maple Leafs are the most decorated with championships at 12, that last one happening back in 1967 when shows like The Andy Griffith Show and The Beverly Hillbillies were the most watched television shows.  It wasn’t until the 80’s when the early exits began and made three conference finals none more heartbreaking than the no-call on Gilmour in the 1993 final.  Raps either don’t make the playoffs or get kicked out in the first round and get a new coach every three years.  Blue Jays can do whatever they can to win but you’re not winning in a division with the Yankees, Red Sox, Rays and the now emerging Orioles in it.

Look into our teams today, they have the pieces and the players to do something but just like the Charlie Brown getting ready to kick the football, Lucy is there to take the ball away and Charlie goes flying.  Toronto teams always seem to start off strong and fail after an all-star break or get better as the season closes just trying to get that last spot in the playoffs.  Whether it is management or the players there always seems to be something that halts the momentum or makes them go into a slump where they lose for multiple games in a row. 

Then there are the players.  The few star players that are on these teams either get traded or get traded.  Bosh was the only one that actually made it to free agency.  Halladay, Wells, Carter, De Rosario, all traded when they were the faces of the franchise (yes Carter packed it in in his last two years here and Wells is overpaid and sucks as an Angel).  We cheer on the bums from other teams that we acquire who become overnight stars (Mike James) and we miss the heck of them when they leave (Jerome “JYD” Williams) even though they become obscure on their new team.  As pretty as lists love to make Toronto seem to be one of the best places to live or visit, American athletes don't want to come here.  Have a tour of the Rogers Centre, take them to the Eaton Centre, show them clips of the Electric Circus, they don't want to be here.  Canada is already the butt of jokes to most Americans, they think our money is funny, we're too nice and it's too cold here.  Off the top of my head there's at least five places that have just as bad winters as we do: Portland, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Boston and New York.  But they win (beside Minnesota) or have been in a championship opportunity.  Players play for in hope of a championship or money.  Mostly money after they realize there's no championship in the near future.

The star players get booed when they leave after they’ve busted their hump for x amount of years and go to a better team.  You just can’t win when you’re a fan especially when your team is losing. (Note: I never say “our” or “my” team, unless I own them like Packers fans)  Either we can’t accept change when it happens or we badger for change and it finally happens when it’s past due whether it’s the players or management.  Ron Wilson should’ve been fired about three years before they finally let him go, Jays could’ve put something better together for a Halladay trade and trading him about a year earlier might have helped.  Raptors can't trade, at all.

Well what now?  Another season passes with Blue Jays missing the playoffs and second to last in their division, the NBA season are right around the corner (pending NHL season because of the lockout) and odds are already against the Raps having them at 200-1 odds of winning the ‘ship.  I truly believe there will never be a championship in the Raptors future until there’s a legit shooting guard on the team (yeah keep those fingers cross for Demar Derozen), that’s the one position the Raptors haven’t had a good enough SG since Vince.  Top draft pick Terrence Ross could be the guard they need but I don’t know till the season starts.  You can look in Raptors draft history and see a bunch of guys that are either on another team or did nothing notable during their tenure.  Raptors can't draft.  At all.  Look at the players they traded away.  It's baffling, it truly is.  And no I didn’t want Steve Nash in a Raptors jersey, they’d just be Phoenix North.  I’d rather see one of the greatest PGs of all time on a contending team than a team that’s still rebuilding.  Plus he went to LA for his kids and after that whole “his kid might come out black” thing, I want Steve happy.

I believe the Leafs can make a run for the playoffs if they can stick to one goalie they don’t force feed a nickname on.  Goaltending is the number one thing you need when you're not surrounded by superstars.  Realistically speaking in hockey there’s not as many superstars as in other sports.  Nazem Kadri.  Either you believe in him or you don't.  Oh you're not sure?  Well make him play!  I don't now if it's only a Toronto thing but I haven't heard so much news about an AHL player since he got drafted.  Brian Burke has been on thin ice for years, like I don't even know anymore.  Stop calling players the real deal and just back your players or spend coin to get players.  How Florida of all places can make the playoffs before the Leafs is damn disgraceful.  There's people in Florida that don't even know they have a hockey team.  TFC will only come in my radar when it’s a season opener after that they are quickly forgotten like the guy that started the KONY campaign.

Raptors fans are pretty awful, there’s many cases of bandwagonism (yeah I invented that word just now) of players that get a hot streaks from other teams.  Happens all the time.  Let’s all remember the two week phenom, Jeremy Lin.  Lin comes to Toronto, seats bought out in the upper decker seats by Taiwanese people spelling out his name with Bristol board.  Tie game, 20 seconds left, Lin has the ball.  All Calderon has to do is play defense for once and get in Lin’s way without fouling.  Time ticks down to 3 seconds...

Lin wins the game.  For the Knicks.  Crowd goes wild!  The TORONTO fans go wild for the NEW YORK KNICKS TEAM THAT JUST BEAT THEM.  Jesus you’re terrible.  The same thing happens whenever Kobe and company comes to town.  Oh, and his new Canadian teammate is coming with him.  When Nash comes to Air Canada Centre, there’s going to be two possibilities that will happen with the crowd: either they cheer because he’s Canadian and in Lakers yellow or boo because he didn’t want to come to this mediocre team in the summer.  Ask any basketball fan, they know at least three people who are Lakers fans.

You just can't win when you're a Toronto fan.  It always feels like they're in a rebuilding phase at the end of the season, star players get traded away for less than their worth and the wins just amount to anything but draft position.  All you can do is cheer and hope for a good place for they use their picks wisely.  Superstars don't grow on trees but Toronto has had some apples that grew and got plucked before they were fully grown.  This exact writing could be done for even more unsuccessful franchises, just switch the names.  But as long as there's a season and a team to root for there's going to be fans.  And hey, at least we're not Cleveland.


Ninja Warrior

I got to be more frequent with japanese posts so people don't constantly ask why I call this blog japanese commentary.  Ninja Warrior is one of those things you think you can do when you first see it then after watching a few people fail at the first stage that decision changes quickly.  Still one of my favourite things to watch online.  Yeah I know about NBC broadcasting it this past summer and completely ignored it. 

NOTHING is better than japanese commentary.

Oldie but a Goodie: Fashawn - Pass the Cohiba

One of the more important unwritten rules in rap is to have a great opening line.  The likes of Prodigy of Mobb Deep, Biggie, The Clipse, Andre 3000 all have memorable opening lines that are recited to this day.  Fashawn out of Fresno, California delivers one of the best opening lines you'll hear in the AM.  This is from his 2010 "Grizzly City 3" mixtape and is a personal favourite of mine.

"Woke up, pissed off, dick hard, breath stinkin', just thinkin'
What the fuck am I gonna do with these Abe Lincolns?"

Thursday, October 4, 2012

List: Top 5 Adam Sandler Movies

It amazes me that people still fork out money to see an Adam Sandler film.   You must be apart of one of the more delusional fanbases that is still around, next to Elvis Presley fans.  For someone to be making a career consisting of poop jokes and keeping Roy Scheinder employed.  You would think his act would run thin even after the deem rotten (3% by Rotten Tomatoes) crossdressing comedy Jack and Jill which looked horrible in the trailers, would barely make anything at the box office.  No, it made $25 million at the box office.  Why?  Why would you make that man money with a premise so obnoxiously dumb?

With Hotel Transylvania coming in number one in the box office earning $43 million this past weekend, ahead of Looper and breaking a record in September and the second best in Sandler's career.  I must be getting old because I remember when Sandler movies were worth spending a money for.  Just looking back at his imdb credits to make this list, it's shocking looking at some of the pieces of turd he's creating and seeing how much money they've made.  Click, $237m worldwide, You Don't Mess With The Zohan, $199m worldwide, 50 First Dates, $196m worldwide, none of these have made my list because I didn't enjoy any of them (there's so many things wrong with 50 First Dates I'll just link a Cracked article explaining why) I'm actually surprised at the years that have surpassed since I last enjoyed an Adam Sandler film.

5. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

When King of Queens hit syndicated television, I was hooked.  It was the same same formula as The Flintstones, Honeymooners, The Simpsons and many other comedies with a married couple, one being a fat funny male and his beautiful thin wife.  Kevin James is one of the last remaining funny fat guys.  I don't wanna see him slim in that hobby turned actual marketable thing, Here Comes The Pain.  This is his only real film, screw Hitch, that I appreciate and Sandler wasn't so bad either.

4. Punch-Drunk Love

The only Sandler movie that wasn't a comedy, is his best acting role.  It's a bit slow in the beginning but over all it's a movie I'd recommend just to show folks Sandler can act without voices or making dumb looking faces for a baby.

3. Big Daddy

I have to admit, it's been a long time since I've seen this movie but it would feel incomplete if I don't put this on the list.

2. Billy Madison

Sandler's first starring role, not counting Airheads, and it was truly a gem.  Premise was dumb, 27 year old going back to through all 12 grades again to prove he could run an empire, but it was 90's dumb, so it was box office gold.  It's not as quotable as number one on my list but it's always thought of when ranking Sandler's best. 

1. Happy Gilmore

"The Price is Wrong, bitch!"  I still see dudes online on NHL13 naming their player Happy Gilmore, it's truly one of those movies you would sit through and watch entirely.  It's the breakout movie that ages so well, well enough for Sports Science to test if the Happy swing is actually better than a regular golf swing.  True classic that Adam has been trying to make for the past decade that he's yet to accomplish.

And before I hear it from others lets look at the rest of his movies.

The Wedding Singer, decent.
The Waterboy, overrated.
Little Nicky, TBS did it with The Replacements and they did it with this.  And I hated it.
Mr. Deeds, no.
Anger Management, no.
The Longest Yard, go watch the original.
Spanglish, meh but mostly no.
Funny People, Apatow seriously needs to hire an editor, 2 1/2 hours really?
Grown Ups, Spade and Scheinder?  No.  No.  No.

Video: Killer Mike - Reagan

Being from Canada, I know very little of past Presidents of the United States.  Only movies and music have informed me on who they are and what they've done in the past.  Rap music has taught me he wasn't that great of a guy especially to the black folk.  Check out Killer Mike's Reagan video off his extremely good album, R.A.P. Music.