Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Rant: Miley Cyrus

In the past 36 hours, all that's been trending, been spoken about on late night, been written about is Miley Cyrus.  I've read the articles, I've seen the memes and seen people lose their shit about it.  So I guess I'll put my two cents in.  

No, what Miley Cyrus did Sunday night at the VMAs wasn't racist.  It tipped toed that line but it was actually foolish, frantic and embarrassing.  Thinking it was racist is implying only black people should do be twerking and that's raycess!

Twerking isn't negative, it's just dancing.  When done correctly, it's a marvelous thing (S/O to Mizz Twerksum and her team).  The term twerking has involved from booty shaking to pop, locking and dropping to romp shaking.  It's the same as calling salsa dancing or merengue offensive.

"What's this lambada those Spanish people are always talking about?  And why is it forbidden?  It's time for an investigation."

Young Cyrus' discovery of twerking and bring it to the limelight, so much light that it's now entering the Oxford dictionary, is kinda like a Christopher Columbus discovering America dynamic.  There were already people there comfy and cozy with the land and what it had to give.  Then white people showed up.

"Bro, you see this?  What is that and that?  AND THAT?  Is there more?  I want to learn about this and other things so I can tell my friends and show it to them."

It's Elvis and Pat Boone.  Stealing black culture and showcasing it to white America who prior to had a lack of access to it.  Then white America shuns it, gets confused by it and gest disgusted by it, wondering whats wrong with the youth today.  The same people said the same thing about rock n roll except in a different age with less form fitting jeans.  It's rebellious, it's controversial.  It's cool.

I had no problem with Miley's obsession with twerking, at first.  Then the pics of her on Instagram with rappers and grabbing stripper booty popped up then she staring saying things like "she's bout that life" and even naming her next album "Bangerz" (with a Z), it got tiring.  Then she got on stage, and acted immature and slighty selfish because it was her time to shine and show off the new Miley.  But this former Disney princess came off more as a pauper, a poor representation of the black culture she's taken apart of.  The real sad part is, she's actually talented.  Her singing ability will take a backseat to her tongue wanging and her flap jacks gyrating.

I'm not mad at what she did on Sunday, I was more creeped out.  It was over-the-top, not very entertaining and kinda offensive (to those who didn't understand).  If anything I just want her to pay homage to the culture she's currently offending.  Plus I'm also trying to school white people (and others) who are new to this whole thing.  When you wanna be apart of black culture, it's a thin line between appreciative and appropriating.  And she crossed it.  Do better, little bitch.*

People have taken my cake in the past, eaten it, pissed on it and spit it out when they were done with it.  In soon enough time, people will move on from this current trend and discover something else and try and eat that cake too.  If another Miley or Macklemore** shows up and get the same attention or do the same numbers as they do, then I won't have much cake left.  And at this point, in these situations, I don't want the cake back because sometimes you leave it with a bad taste in my mouth.

*- If you watch Awkward, I mean to say lil' bitch the same way Jenna's aunt says it.  I was just unable to find a gif or video of it.

**- Totally get the message of Same Love but that doesn't regard the fact that the song sucks.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Storytime: My Beef With Trendhunter

You can easily find someone for their work with Google, all you need is their name and the title.  You can find some of my work by typing my name, Jordan Miller and Trendhunter.

Let's all click on this link together shall we on a particular thing that I wrote last year:

First off that title: Incarceration-Inspired Toys.  Read it, now read it again, now think for a second.  What are you in for with that title, Incarceration-Inspired Toys?  Toys based on jail.  Little shivs, plastic jail cells, plastic jail yards, etc.  Now look at the picture.  Even if you've never seen an episode, you probably recognize Omar Little.  Trenchcoat, bulletproof vest, durag, that's Omar from The Wire.  They're windup toys inspired by characters from The Wire.

Now read the title again and look at the image.  The Wire was about anything but jail, it was about how politics is just as dirty as the dope game and the cops in the show used a wire to tap into the big name players in the dope game.  And eventually they'll be caught and put into jail.

The Wire has snowballed into this cult classic television series that is almost the common denominator of what good television is.  Breaking Bad is that denominator today but a few years after The Wire ended it was that show you need to watch.

Now the copy, first paragraph:

Is there anything better for the kids than some wind-up toys based on The Wire? Artist and sculptor Mister Frothee makes toys as gifts, including bobbleheads, puppets and wind-up toys. He recently completed a collection of miniature wind-up toys at 2.5-inches tall in the style of the characters from The Wire.
Nothing really wrong there, I could've gone a bit more sarcastic describing The Wire but it was a year ago and I had a character limit.  Mister Frothee also did toys of characters from Deadwood and Mad Men.  Let's continue.

Many critics have called the show the best piece of fiction of the century, making it an obvious source of inspiration for modern art and apparently, modern toys. Unfortunately, these wind-up toys based on The Wire aren't for sale; however, a quick browse at the mere images of them are sure to inspire you to pick up your remote and get more familiar with the antics of the cast of The Wire.
Shut the front door.  Read that first line and tell me you didn't raise an eyebrow to it.  The best piece of fiction of the century?  You can't be serious.  Did this editor go through another editor before this was published?  I know for damn sure I didn't write anything about the century in the original.

How things were done over at Trendhunter is you find something interesting (a third of the things posted are fashion related) write about it without copying anything all under 200 word count and source where you got it from.  Now I don't remember verbatim but I'm pretty sure I mentioned that it's critically acclaimed and one of the best shows in the past 10 years.  Saying it's the best piece of fiction of the century is a such a foolish thing to write and to later publish it on the site is egregious.

I didn't even reply back on it, I just stopped writing and submitting things for them.  It's an internship, why the hell am I home alone doing it and not at your office?  Not even an internship it was almost like a tryout, I went there once.  Their office was in the same building where I got hijacked to Brampton.

Ever since then, I also give a side eye whenever they are mention.  I guess you can say, it made me feel some type of way.  Oh and I don't wanna start throwing cards but calling toys jail inspired when three of the five toys are black with one looks a bit Hispanic?  Yeah ummm, I'm not saying nothing but none of the source links mention jail.  Again, I'm not saying nothing but that's my gripe with Trendhunter.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Top 5 Worst Commissioners In Sports

5. David Stern

I honestly don't think Stern is that bad of a commissioner but he has done some absurd things dating all the way back to the infamous 1985 NBA Draft Lottery.  He's tamed down over the years but he has done some thing that have raised a few eyebrows.  Like fining the Spurs $250,000 because they sat too many players for a televised Thursday game on TNT.  Then there's the instances of referees calling non-fouls during playoff games but there's no proof that he made the call to get in refs ears.  Oh and axing the Chris Paul to the Lakers trade was pretty bad too.

4. Roger Goodell

Now I put Goodell near the bottom mainly because he's hasn't been in power as long as the others.  But he's still messed up, mainly with New Orleans.  When word got out that the New Orleans Saints held bounties against certain players in the 2009-11 seasons, shit got real.  Suspensions were handed out.  Head coach Sean Payton was suspended for the season, defensive coordinator Gregg Williams was suspended indefinitely, interim coach Joe Vitt (six games), GM Mickey Loomis (eight games) and players Jonathan Vilma, Scott Fujita, and Will Smith all got four games, Anthony Hargrove got eight games.  They all appealed and guess what?  The players won, Goodell pushed too hard to get the players and the panel was like "Hold on wait a minute, you didn't really prove anything written.  It's all hear say."

That was in 2011, fast forward two years, Goodell wants no one to have fun in the NFL.  The new rules under Unsportsmanlike Conduct are pretty ridiculous.  Players literally can't do anything if they score a touchdown, get a sack or make any type of play that involves a momentary celebration.  No home run swing, sorry Lesean McCoy, no spiking the ball, sorry Gronk.  No sack dances, sorry jiggly Seahawks lineman.  These rules are turrible Kenny, just turrible.  He's also mandating that every player must wear knee and leg pads.

3. Gary Bettman

Three lockouts since he's been in office.  The forever long moving sale of the Phoenix Coyotes, will they or won't they move, if so will they go to Quebec or Southern Ontario or Seattle.  Plus he's short and has to compensate with his incompetence with stupid decisions like trying to expand teams to places that don't have ice like Florida, Tampa Bay, Atlanta and Phoenix.

2. Sepp Blatter

Now soccer (or futbol) isn't my sport of choice but some of the things Sepp has done have caught my intrigue and can not be looked over when coming up with this list.  I already think FIFA is corrupt and Qatar hosting the World Cup for 2022 just smells of wrongdoing.  Here's the thing about Qatar, it's pretty fucking hot there, so hot they've gone from talks about having it indoors implementing cooling technology for the players and the crowd to moving the World Cup to the WINTER.  Moving the World Cup to the Winter because soccer players running around in 50°C weather sounds just as ludicrous as you think it is.

Roger Goodell may want to protect players with these new rules but players are afraid to tackle each other without getting penalized for it.  Gary Bettmen can't go a full season of hockey without having to shut things down.  But moving a global tournament because the country stuffing your pockets is a tad bit hot during the months you're suppose to play there?  Nah b.  You can't do that.  You bought your king size bed with Qatar's riyals now you sleep in said bed as you have the two fans rotating on you as you sleep on a nice 38°C night in Qatar.  Oh and here's a list of other stupid ideas Sepp came up with that I can't make sound any better.

1. Bud Selig

Pretending that you have your eye on players and performance-enhancing drugs when really you're just waiting on sketching guys in Miami that look like this to roll over on players?  Yeah, that's the worst.  One of my early instances of Selig's awfulness is the 2002 All-Star game when he called the game a tie in the home town of the team he once owned in Milwaukee.  He tried to make up with it by making the winning league of the All-Star game have home-field advantage instead of you know, the team having the better win-loss record.

Then there's Pete Rose.  Rose never bet against his own team and his ban has been going on for almost 25 years now.  I'm doubtful most players today would disagree that Pete Rose is the best hitter baseball has ever seen, yet him and his numbers aren't in Cooperstown.  Yes, he gambled but gambling isn't exactly illegal across North America and it scared anyone from betting within their baseball club.  Now if you banned him to show the rest of the league a lesson, lesson's been learned.  Now un-ban Pete Rose.

The real tipping point that made Bud atop of my list, is this A-Rod and lifetime ban talk recently.  Lifetime ban?  For no positive test to show for it and under another rule about damaging the sport?  Come on Bud.  You know you messed up.  This witch hunt for A-Rod has made me like A-Rod, that's the real worst.  When someone uses drugs we try and find treatment for them, not punishment.  Bud is just trying to push and shove all these players away with force instead of lending a hand and asking why they're doing what they're doing.  Bud turned a blind eye to drugs during the steroid era mainly because baseball was making money again.  And it's about money again, if he gets A-Rod banned there's a whole lot of money going back to the Yankees.  That's a good look for Bud because he's doing what's best for the owners.

Friday, August 2, 2013

The Road Ahead

I know what's at the end of my road and it's a job.  A job in advertising, copywriting.  Writing headlines, body copy, blog posts, blurbs that will end up in magazines or a brand site.  Will there be accommodations or perks when I get there?  I don't know, not everyone gets the freebies at the end of the road.

I've taken a few pit stops on my ride to the end of the road.  I've grabbed a cup of coffee, stuck around for the lunch special and in some cases took the newspaper with me to the bathroom.  All because my ride to the end of the road ran out of gas.

"There's just not any room right now."
"We can only have x amount of people at the time."
"We'll call you if anything opens up."
"There's just not enough work right now."

Is it my fault?  No.  There's nothing I can do about the hiring process except doing the job to the best of my ability.  It's just the circumstances when I arrive.  They have an open slot, they have work needed to be done, work gets done, then there's a stand still.  That's how it's always been.

I know I'm capable of being better than I am now.  I know I'm capable of finding a place that will constantly challenge me.  I know I'm capable of this but... nothing has given me that chance or opportunity.  When that opportunity has opened, it seems to close as soon as I get in.

Right now I'm on the side of the road.  With my head under the hood of my ride fixing something that isn't broken.  Maybe if I tweak this, it'll make me get there faster.  Maybe if I change a tire, my ride will be smoother.  What else can I do to make it to the end of my road?  Or will have to take another pit stop, if I find one, just to find some place of entitlement?  I'm tired, real tired but I know I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be.

In my years trying to get to the end of this road, I never stuck my thumb out for a free ride.  Never piggybacked off of someone else or tailgated to get to where I wanted.  It's not me, in the past I've been offered rides but as soon as those offers opened up, the door closed.  When I look back at my ride, will I be satisfied how I got there whether it was based on my own merit or on someone else's.

Well I gotta get back on the road because no one stops to see the car at the side of the road.  I know I can get there, to the end of the road, whether or not I'll find another pit-stop or get on the right path toward that road.  Heck I could be on the wrong road this whole time.  Won't know until I get back behind the wheel.