Saturday, January 26, 2013

Rant: Waiting on Something

Ever feel uninspired?  Like you don't want to do anything?  Not get up from the couch or your computer desk?  You plan on working out and instead you just sit and decide to pick another day and do nothing that day.  You want to do something but have no inspiration to do it?  One of the five things I hate is waiting (the other four have to do with rice cakes, Dwight Howard and wack females, they're on there twice) and right now I'm waiting on an answer from two potential internships in major I spent three years in school trying o get into.  Internships cause nobody just hires you.  Haven't heard anything in the last three days and aside from watching movies (Killing Them Softly with Brad Pitt is pretty good btw) I've done nothing.  I should be writing to keep in the zone and keep the creative juices flowing but this is the first thing I've written in three days.  But it really feels like I haven't written in a month maybe longer.  That ever happen to you?  You do something one day and the following days are nothing but mediocrity and you feel like it's been a life time since that last significant thing you did.  I've literally done nothing but looking at my Blackberry waiting for that red flash, indicating an email has been sent, hoping and wishing on a reply back from the many many emails I've sent out.  Most days it's automatic replies telling me they received it and it's on file and not in a virtual pile.  They say it isn't but I know it really is.

No motivation, just have to pick myself up from my proverbial slumber I'm in.  Not even shedding a tear.  Learned a while ago to turn that vulnerable state into anger and rage then closing it in, hiding it.  Like hands covering the light from a turned on flashlight, consealing all the light until it's dark.  Consider this writing here the light peaking through.  At times I feel like Howard Hughes, watching the world go by, doing nothing about it.  Physically fine, just watching others live through Twitter, Facebook, TV etc.  Don't even share what I find interesting, no news articles, no funny retweets, just off the grid while constantly keeping an eye on it.  Ain't got no job, ain't got no bitch, ain't go no motivation to inspire myself, just waiting on the next thing, minute by minute, hour by hour.  Waiting, just waiting on something.

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