Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Real Talk: Goku

For those who don't understand all of my vernacular used in this document, I will provide a definition for a particular word that many may not be familiar with.

Fade [fād]
  1. To beat up, or fight, a promise to put your hands on somebody.
  2. The act of wanting to fight.

Goku had two motifs in life: To fight and to eat. 

That's it.  Besides that he literally did nothing else.  He barely was there in his son's lives, he was either out collecting dragonballs, training just because or going to Namek, for a few years.

"Hey ma, watch Gohan.  Me and my lil bald nigga are gonna go out searchin' for some dragonballs.  Make sure there's food on the table when I get back.  Iight?  Peace."

Seriously what the fuck did Goku do?  I remember an episode (filler episode) where him and Piccolo go and get their driver's license.  Goku didn't want no job!  He just wanted to hang with his friends, surf on his cloud and eat gigantic bowls of rice.  And have sex.  Chi-Chi did nothing but yell at her sons and birth them kids.  She kept them kids focused on school and Goku was focused on whatever evil force lurking to take over Earth.  Which was gonna end up getting destroyed anyways because that's what aliens that wanted to take over planets did. 

And he was the best in the world, so you couldn't say an ill word about him.  He was MJ, he was Gretkzy, he was Bo Jackson.  Goku knows it and you knew it, he was the best ever.  Sure he'd be down and out, AFTER giving his opponents the fade, but they just threw him into the Medical Machine or made him pop a senzu bean (WOO!) and he was back like he never left.  He was Adrian Peterson returning from knee surgery, Lemieux coming back from cancer, Tyson after his jail sentence.  He was the best to do it.  Not only was he the best but he was the first to exceed that next level.  Aside from Super Saiyan 2 which Gohan achieved, he was the first for ever other SSJ form and we all know the Prince of all Saiyans, Vegeta, was jelly because of this.  Vegeta was Karl Malone in '97 and '98, forever catching the fade never getting one against the greatest of all time.  NO ONE got the short end of the stick more than Vegeta, maybe Yamcha and Tien but c'mon, how far would have Yamcha and Tien gone?  They were human, 'Geta and Goku were Saiyans, just sayin. 

Goku was in chill mode when he wasn't saving the Earth.  Forever in off-season, never knowing when the season would start again.  Eating plates and scrappin' aliens, he should have that tattooed on his lower back somewhere.

And he's the greatest anime character of all time.

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